Post by Santa Claus on Feb 12, 2013 10:18:12 GMT -5
Have you ever seen an igloo? I'm talking about a real one? Well, you're about to, because the scene now opens into the middle of a blizzard. I'm talking possibly the worst blizzard ever seen. The wind whips around the ice and snow like a tornado. The stark white color is all that can be seen, the blankets of snow cover everything. A person could wander around in circles out here in the middle of this blizzard and never even know it. Footprints from some small animal, possibly a rabbit, are quickly covered up by the blowing snow. But wait, what's that? There's an igloo!
The only differing color from the vast whiteness of the snow-covered area is a single, solitary egg-white color which can be seen almost hovering in the air. As the scene gets closer, it reveals that it wasn't hovering, but merely the color is that of an Energy Efficient Light Bulb in a lamp in front of the window of an igloo. As the scene draws in even closer, shadows can be seen flickering behind the light. The scene dives right through the window, to show Santa Claus standing there eating some cookies and holding a giant frosted glass filled with milk. He laughs with a hearty, happy HO HO HO as he stares across from a man in a snowman costume.
What the fuck?
Yeah, there's a guy wearing a snowman costume in this igloo. Dude, I don't know what kind of drugs you're on, but give me some of them, because you're tripping out. Anyway, Santa slaps a hand on the back of the guy in the snowman costume and smiles widely as he now takes a drink from his glass of milk. Santa sits down in an all-white recliner and kicks his feet up on the white coffee table. He smiles through his blatantly fake "Santa" beard and speaks up.
Santa Claus: Well Frosty, my old snowballed friend, there comes a time when a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. You see, I just signed federation over two weeks ago, and I'll admit, my first go of it was pretty great. I ran through my opponents and became the first Global Champion!
Santa leans back and spills some of the precious milk all over his suit. He glares, his face turns a dark socialist color of Commie Red as he blares out and kicks his feet. As he kicks his feet, he falls backwards out of the chair, his mug filled with milk crashes into the white carpeted floor of the igloo. (What the hell?! Carpet in an igloo? Jesus Christ, that's fucked up!) Santa now picks himself up with Frosty's assistance.. and he looks duly shamed. This is where Frosty speaks up.
Frosty the Snowman: Come on now, buddy. There's no need to get yourself all worked up. Remember what happened last time you got yourself all worked up and pissed off? You wound up making people mad, losing your wrestling job and then what? Then you became a filthy, stinkin' drunk! Then do you remember what happened? You were arrested for trying to get women to sit on your lap.. but you weren't wearing pants!
Santa nods his head slowly and looks quite embarrassed and ashamed of his blatant disregard for candor (not Kandor, but it was a great episode), as well as showing some of the worst manners for a guest. Santa is truly sorry for what he said, and he knows it. Santa will have to add himself on the Naughty List. After all, even Santa sometimes can be bad, believe it or not.
Santa Claus: I'm sorry, my chilly amigo. I have been a bad guest in your gloriously great home, and I do humbly apologize. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Frosty thinks about this for a moment and then smiles... well... he smiles inside the costume. His snowman face doesn't actually move since it's just a styrofoam mask with a snowman's features glued on (along with a carrot nose). But Frosty smiles nonetheless and then nods his head.
Frosty the Snowman: There is something you can do for me, chummer. You can suck on my snowballs.
Santa looks absolutely appalled and shocked at the suggestion.
Santa Claus: WHA!?!?
Frosty points over to a pile of snowballs on the stark white kitchen counter. Each of the snowballs have been put through the visible Snoopy Snowcone Machine. There are red snowballs, green snowballs and even some yellow snowballs and blue ones too!
Frosty the Snowman: Feel free to try the blue balls, those are deeeeeeelicious!
Santa looks visibly pale and he dry heaves for a moment.
Santa Claus: Actually my friend, I'm not feeling so well.
Frosty the Snowman: Aha! Then try my yellow snowballs... they taste just like lemons!
Santa quirks up an eyebrow.
Santa Claus: What do you mean they taste "just" like lemon? Didn't you make them with lemons?
Frosty the Snowman: Uhh... right.. that's what I meant to say. They taste just like lemons because they're made from lemons.
Santa Claus: I'll pass.
Frosty the Snowman: You sure?
Santa Claus: Positive. Plus, I need to keep my weight up, too much water might make me piss away my girth. I need to be in full form this week when I take on those two idiots in the ring. They've all been put on the Naughty List and they're all going to learn exactly what it means when they've been Naughty! I'm gonna bring my Christmas Bag of Goodies... and who knows... maybe I'll even throw a few pieces of coal at their nasty, naughty, mean, cruel little heads. One Bad Mofo Jackson Davis and Josh Davis have been on the Naughty List for a very long time. They've got it coming to them!
Frosty the Snowman: Okay Santa... I hear ya. Well, if you ever need any help, just call on me! I'll be there to lay the smizack dizown on their cotton candy asses.. if ya smelll... what The Frost is smok...
Santa quickly interrupts Frosty with an upheld hand.
Santa Claus: You can't say that.
Frosty the Snowman: Why not?
Santa Claus: Because we'll get sued. You remember what happened last time we stole a catchphrase? Bruce Willis kept punching you in the face and shouting: Yippie Ki Yay over and over.
Frosty the Snowman: Yeah, I forgot all about that. I remember waking up from my coma six months later. That was funny.... I think.
Santa nods as walks over to the white door of the igloo and pulls his Santa Cap down hard over his ears and then buttons up his red velvet jacket.
Santa Claus: Well amigo, it's time I got back to the North Pole. Mrs. Claus will be quite pissed that I've been out so late. She'll think I'm out having an affair with another female elf again. HO HO HOO!
Frosty nods as he walks to the door and opens it.
Frosty the Snowman: Have a frosty day, Santa! I'll see you at the show, so look for me! I'll be the guy who looks like a snowman!
Santa nods as he now steps out of the igloo and into the frigid, freezing arctic air and walks back towards his cottage as the visual scene fades to snow.
The only differing color from the vast whiteness of the snow-covered area is a single, solitary egg-white color which can be seen almost hovering in the air. As the scene gets closer, it reveals that it wasn't hovering, but merely the color is that of an Energy Efficient Light Bulb in a lamp in front of the window of an igloo. As the scene draws in even closer, shadows can be seen flickering behind the light. The scene dives right through the window, to show Santa Claus standing there eating some cookies and holding a giant frosted glass filled with milk. He laughs with a hearty, happy HO HO HO as he stares across from a man in a snowman costume.
What the fuck?
Yeah, there's a guy wearing a snowman costume in this igloo. Dude, I don't know what kind of drugs you're on, but give me some of them, because you're tripping out. Anyway, Santa slaps a hand on the back of the guy in the snowman costume and smiles widely as he now takes a drink from his glass of milk. Santa sits down in an all-white recliner and kicks his feet up on the white coffee table. He smiles through his blatantly fake "Santa" beard and speaks up.
Santa Claus: Well Frosty, my old snowballed friend, there comes a time when a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. You see, I just signed federation over two weeks ago, and I'll admit, my first go of it was pretty great. I ran through my opponents and became the first Global Champion!
Santa leans back and spills some of the precious milk all over his suit. He glares, his face turns a dark socialist color of Commie Red as he blares out and kicks his feet. As he kicks his feet, he falls backwards out of the chair, his mug filled with milk crashes into the white carpeted floor of the igloo. (What the hell?! Carpet in an igloo? Jesus Christ, that's fucked up!) Santa now picks himself up with Frosty's assistance.. and he looks duly shamed. This is where Frosty speaks up.
Frosty the Snowman: Come on now, buddy. There's no need to get yourself all worked up. Remember what happened last time you got yourself all worked up and pissed off? You wound up making people mad, losing your wrestling job and then what? Then you became a filthy, stinkin' drunk! Then do you remember what happened? You were arrested for trying to get women to sit on your lap.. but you weren't wearing pants!
Santa nods his head slowly and looks quite embarrassed and ashamed of his blatant disregard for candor (not Kandor, but it was a great episode), as well as showing some of the worst manners for a guest. Santa is truly sorry for what he said, and he knows it. Santa will have to add himself on the Naughty List. After all, even Santa sometimes can be bad, believe it or not.
Santa Claus: I'm sorry, my chilly amigo. I have been a bad guest in your gloriously great home, and I do humbly apologize. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?
Frosty thinks about this for a moment and then smiles... well... he smiles inside the costume. His snowman face doesn't actually move since it's just a styrofoam mask with a snowman's features glued on (along with a carrot nose). But Frosty smiles nonetheless and then nods his head.
Frosty the Snowman: There is something you can do for me, chummer. You can suck on my snowballs.
Santa looks absolutely appalled and shocked at the suggestion.
Santa Claus: WHA!?!?
Frosty points over to a pile of snowballs on the stark white kitchen counter. Each of the snowballs have been put through the visible Snoopy Snowcone Machine. There are red snowballs, green snowballs and even some yellow snowballs and blue ones too!
Frosty the Snowman: Feel free to try the blue balls, those are deeeeeeelicious!
Santa looks visibly pale and he dry heaves for a moment.
Santa Claus: Actually my friend, I'm not feeling so well.
Frosty the Snowman: Aha! Then try my yellow snowballs... they taste just like lemons!
Santa quirks up an eyebrow.
Santa Claus: What do you mean they taste "just" like lemon? Didn't you make them with lemons?
Frosty the Snowman: Uhh... right.. that's what I meant to say. They taste just like lemons because they're made from lemons.
Santa Claus: I'll pass.
Frosty the Snowman: You sure?
Santa Claus: Positive. Plus, I need to keep my weight up, too much water might make me piss away my girth. I need to be in full form this week when I take on those two idiots in the ring. They've all been put on the Naughty List and they're all going to learn exactly what it means when they've been Naughty! I'm gonna bring my Christmas Bag of Goodies... and who knows... maybe I'll even throw a few pieces of coal at their nasty, naughty, mean, cruel little heads. One Bad Mofo Jackson Davis and Josh Davis have been on the Naughty List for a very long time. They've got it coming to them!
Frosty the Snowman: Okay Santa... I hear ya. Well, if you ever need any help, just call on me! I'll be there to lay the smizack dizown on their cotton candy asses.. if ya smelll... what The Frost is smok...
Santa quickly interrupts Frosty with an upheld hand.
Santa Claus: You can't say that.
Frosty the Snowman: Why not?
Santa Claus: Because we'll get sued. You remember what happened last time we stole a catchphrase? Bruce Willis kept punching you in the face and shouting: Yippie Ki Yay over and over.
Frosty the Snowman: Yeah, I forgot all about that. I remember waking up from my coma six months later. That was funny.... I think.
Santa nods as walks over to the white door of the igloo and pulls his Santa Cap down hard over his ears and then buttons up his red velvet jacket.
Santa Claus: Well amigo, it's time I got back to the North Pole. Mrs. Claus will be quite pissed that I've been out so late. She'll think I'm out having an affair with another female elf again. HO HO HOO!
Frosty nods as he walks to the door and opens it.
Frosty the Snowman: Have a frosty day, Santa! I'll see you at the show, so look for me! I'll be the guy who looks like a snowman!
Santa nods as he now steps out of the igloo and into the frigid, freezing arctic air and walks back towards his cottage as the visual scene fades to snow.
